One Tough Mother...

Just before the New Year, I lost my last grandmother, Ione Schelbitzki. She was my mother’s mother and achieved 104 wonderful years on this earth. Growing up, I always had grandmas and great grandmas on both sides of the family. I have been very blessed growing up with these wonderful ladies who all took their turns looking after all the grandchildren and teaching us valuable lessons. Don’t get me wrong, I had two of the best grandpas in the world. But as my grandpa ‘Banker Frank’ used to say; “Behind every successful man is a good woman kicking him in the rear.”

              I am writing about my grandma today because I know there are a lot of women like her that were and still are the backbone of the family and farm. Growing up, when I stayed at her farm while my mom was a nurse at the hospital, I always thought she was the nicest lady, perfect grandma, very loving, and caring. One day we came to the farm on a weekend for a big gathering of friends and neighbors. I was told we were going to ‘dress the chickens’, which as a toddler seemed hilarious and I looked forward to it. When I arrived, I met grandma, and she gave me a hug. After that she grabbed a chicken, threw it on a feed sack, and chopped its head off with a corn knife. My respect for grandma changed immediately after that encounter. She wasn’t afraid of much, especially if you had a loose tooth, she would pull it for you. You see my grandma Ione was not a very big person, short and petite, but she was one Tough Mother. 

              My grandma grew up tough as well. Ione was born in Plano, South Dakota in 1920 and was the youngest of three girls. When she was six years old, she lost her mother. Her father later remarried, and they had eight more children. I am sure there were a lot of mouths to feed enduring the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl as well. Going through that kind of childhood would teach you many survival lessons. She met my grandfather when he was passing through working on a harvest crew and after they married, he took her with him to Nebraska. Soon after, Grandpa got a job as a draftsman for Lockheed Aircraft in Burbank, California. So, they got a trailer house, pulled by a Model A, and packed up their first child for the move. When grandpa was drafted into the Navy, he moved his wife and then two daughters back to Columbia, South Dakota so they could be closer to her family while he was deployed to the Philippines. After WWII ended, they moved back to Grandpa Lloyd’s family farm close to Harmony, Nebraska where they raised a family of five. Being a good husband and dad, grandpa took the family on many trips back to South Dakota to spend time with grandma’s family. They had a wonderful life together, loved the land, the Lord, and each other; always having time for their family and neighbors. 

              What I have learned from the ‘Tough Mothers’ of this generation is a wealth of life skills. The biggest one was if you grew up on a farm, especially in their time, you could do anything. Mostly because you had to. To save money, you raised your own food, made your own clothes, traded eggs and cream for staples, and repaired anything that was broken. There was no Amazon, you had to make it work. The second lesson is always keeping your friends and neighbors close and helping them out whenever in need. In rural America you can always rely on your neighbors when you need help. There are continuing stories of how my grandparents passed on neighborly support when times were bad. Make sure to get to know your neighbor, you never know how much a quick visit will impact on someone’s life until you lose a neighbor unexpectedly. Always make time for your family as well, support each other no matter what happens in life. Grandma and Grandpa went to every school activity for all the grandkids. Stay busy, Grandma Ione was always busy. If it wasn’t collecting eggs and pulling weeds, you were helping her paint the house or getting ready for the next holiday. Busy people are rarely depressed since you always have a purpose. Busy kids stay out of trouble- I finally figured this out later in life why she always kept the grandkids busy. Believe in something bigger. Grandma Ione taught Sunday school and was always very active in her church. She loved giving back and giving makes you feel good about yourself. Have fun, grandma and grandpa loved to have fun. After meals we would usually have a walk and talk. They would go to the neighbor’s house and play cards. When the family got together, we would hand crank ice cream, eat watermelon, play yard games, and most of all just talk and laugh at ourselves. Finally, write someone a letter. When grandma couldn’t travel as much, she would still write letters. It doesn’t matter if it is a simple post card or a full-page essay; long form writing means something. My grandma would always write every grandchild, and there are 12 of us, in long form on our birthdays and whenever she felt it necessary. Handwritten notes are always remembered. 

              I hope you have had a ‘Tough Mother’ or grandmother to look up to in your life. I have been blessed to have two ‘Tough Grandmothers’ who taught me a lot. My mother is the sweetest lady as well, but I am still scared of her. Now that I have a family myself, I appreciate what my wife does at home that sometimes I take for granted. She doesn’t sew or can from the garden, but she does buy the groceries, cook meals, and constantly shops for clothing for our growing children at the thrift store and sometimes Amazon. I do love my kids, but they do get a little sassy and don’t listen to me. I always threaten them with something, and they just laugh at me like a big dumb animal. The only solution I found: ‘I can tell mom to come in here.’ They always straighten up and do what I tell them after that. They know they have a ‘Tough Mother’ as well. Reminds me of the stories from Garrison Keillor, “Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.”

-Adam Frank Bruning, Loan Officer-